


Christmas

by Beekeepersandmysteries



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Sharing a Room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 09:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18617482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beekeepersandmysteries/pseuds/Beekeepersandmysteries
Summary: After the events of Ultron, Natasha didn't know where else to go, so she decided to spent the holidays with Clint and his family. They try to cheer her up, but only one person in the world would be able to do so.





	Christmas

20th December- 4 days before Christmas

Natasha had decided to spent the holidays with Clint and his family. Because where else should she go after the events with Ultron and everything that went so terribly wrong? Anyway Clints daughter Lila had wanted her so badly to come around, that she had to stay in the house for about a week. She could help with the children, and the dinner, and the decorations (Laura Barton had suggested), that Natasha couldn't say no. 

The first day was really beautiful, she played with the little girl from morning till evening and she was remembered of her younger self. When she'd been a kid herself, full of joy and dreams. It was so long ago... .  
They'd made lovely christmas cards together for Lilas parents and her brother and later that day, Lila came to give her a christmas card only for Natasha. On the front she could see two people holding hands and one of them, she guessed, must be her. The other was a bit taller and had messy black curls. Her heart ached. 

That night she didn't sleep well. Made herself a warm cup of chockolate in the middle of the night, starring out of the window, just to watch the snowflakes fall down into a wide white blanket, that covered the peacefull landscape and reflected the small amount of light outside. It seemed to be a never ending dawn and she asked herself, if he may stand on a window pane like her right now, looking outside, absently, thinking about what they could have been if they ever tried. And if he still carried her heart in his. 

The following days brought some kind of routine within. She trained Cooper, the older boy, some self defending tricks (which he most likely wanted to impress the girls), but only if he promised not to tell his father - and only these with whom he couldnt seriously hurt somebody.  
She also played christmas with Lila and her barbies; that girl was really sugar. How pure and lovely. Eventually she woke some deep hidden mother-feelings in herself. 

In the time left, she mostly helped Laura in the kitchen or (the last couple days) she spent plenty time in her room - starring at Lilas drawing. Mostly late in the evening, when dawn floated through the windows and loneliness started to overwhelm her.  
She tried to keep her cover, but soon Laura recognised that she kept unnormal silent. "It's nothing.", she tried, even if she knew this was the stupidst sentence she could say. Laura layed a hand on her arm and squeezed it a bit, an ancouraging smile on her face. "I know. But if there is something you wanna talk about, I'm there." 

The following day she stayed in her room completely. She wanted to be alone. This whole family life, it made her stumble without a chance to breath. She couldn't help it, even if she was badly sorry for her behaviour. But with Clints family she felt, for the first time, what it means to have a family, what it means to be loved. And it hurt. The pain wasn't beareble sometimes. She could never have all this. What it feels like to be a mother, a wife, having a home to be safe. And then she cried without reason, not knowing why she felt so damn empty inside. 

A long hot shower should help her to compose herself that day. And after crying even more with the water running down her shivering body, she finally washed all the tears away. 

The Bartons seemed to be out of the house when she crossed the doorstep of the bathroom. Maybe they went to town, doing some last shopping for christmas. Silence filled the space around, a calm and to her very welcome silence. When she walked into the livingroom, wearing an oversized pullover and ambarassing pink socks, she froze.   
This was new...   
Her mouth literarely dropped open. She just wanted to get the mp3 player she'd forgotten on the couch... 

A warmth streamed over from the fireplace, which was surrounded by candy-lanes. And there... there was a tree in the middle of the room, right besides the corner to the kitchen, she wondered. It was decorated with lights in all shades of red and green and christmas-tree bells hang from bottom to the top.   
From somewhere she noticed the melody of some old christmas songs too, filling the room with a cozy mood. Is this Frank Sinatra? 

So she stood there, not knowing what to make of the sudden change that had been going on in there. 

And then she heard footsteps. God, what would she give for it to be him...?, a part of her thought in painful hope.

"Well... I guess Clint didn't only invite me to help him with the tree...", a voice appeared behind her and with the first words, her heart missed a beat and a strange heat raised into her face. The skin on her arms and back reacted with goose bumps all over.

She couldn't move, she couldn't think, she could do nothing but stand there, asking herself if she should cry for happyness or anger. Because there were, in fact, tears rolling down her face. 

"I owe you an apology. Or maybe more than one, though. For... you know, turning down the monitor and the ship and-"

"Stop it!", she barely shouted. 

When she turned, she saw the dark curles and recognised the light grey strands growing on both sides of his face. It was so familiar to her, that she might not be able to forget it anymore, not in a hundret years. 

Letting him see her wet cheeks and red eyes was the one thing. But seeing his reaction to it was even worse. The expression on his face turned from worried to painfull. He seemed unsure of stepping forwards or back, out of her life, again.

" - and for disappearing without you. I am so sorry, Nat.", he bit his lips, mouth pressed to a small line.

Calling her by her first name cut like a knife out of soft, sweet emotions. 

"Do you have any idea how I felt when you turned that damn screen off?", she whispered. 

"Look, I -", he made a step in her direction, but she already cut him off. 

"No! You said we could go TOGETHER! I thought this was a plan!", out of nowhere she got so furious on him. And in her anger she'd walked towards him. 

"It WAS! But I thought it would be better if I stayed away from you.", his voice got louder as well and the music in the background was more annoying than relaxing. 

"TO STAY AWAY FROM ME? Why the hell should you stay away from me?", at the end she didn't even know why she still screamed at him. The anger was gone. Since when did they stand so close? 

"Because I could never forgive myself, if I would hurt you... if the Hulk would hurt you." 

She could feel his presence, smell the fregrence of his clothes, see the blue and green shades in his eyes.   
And he could see the little brown sprankles on her cheeks and nose, which made her face look even more beautiful and which he had missed so badly.

"And why did you came back then?", she asked, her voice fragile and thin.   
His eyes wandered over her face, from eyes, to her hair, to cheeks, chin, lips and back to her eyes.

The look on her face was more than he could stand. Carefully his hands wandered to her chest, pulled her closer to his own body and finally pulled his lips on hers. She couldn't find words to describe what she felt in that moment. It was so honestly and sincere. All the warmth and desire they had been holding back for so long, broke their way through now. As if they finally understood each other, without one more word said. 

The front door of the house was pushed open, revealing a group of running footsteps populating the house. When the door to the living room was finally opened, the two people, that stood suspicious close a second before, seperated in astonishment and hesitation. 

After a moment of dissapointment, Lilas eyes got wide open and her face turned into a huge smile. She ran in Natashas direction with a little something in her hands. "Aunty Tasha! I brought you something from the Wringley's chokolate shop!". Natasha- trying to get herself together again- gave her an hurried smile and took the girl in her arms. "Oh, how lovely.", she managed to say. 

"Ah, hello Banner.", Clint was the next one stepping through the front door with two heavy looking begs in his hands. "Thanks by the way for your help with the tree." He walked past them, heading to the kitchen, followed by his wife and Cooper. 

And soon the two of them where surrounded of a typical joyful and chaotic family. 

...............

After some time, Natasha had stolen herself out of the livingroom to help Clint get the presents for his kids out of the car, without them noticing. And to speak with him in person. 

A long while she just moved around big boxes by his side and studied him out of the corner of her eyes. Then, in the barn, she finally stopped in her motion, crossed her arms and just watched him searchingly. 

"What?", he wanted to know, with obvious amusement. 

"So, you knew he'd come, don't you?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Now she raised one eyebrow.

"Don't even try to fool me, Clint, I know that you have somethin' to do with that."

"Look. I know you half my life, Natasha, and I was not blind the last few weeks. I saw the look on your face, when he was around and the look, when he was gone. So I began to research and found some interesting things. At the end I just had to talk about this and that. For example about you being my guest on Christmas and that I could need some help with the tree. You know, I'm not getting any younger.", this was the only explanation she ever got out of him, but it was enough to let her affection for him grow even more. 

Astonishment and fondness laid openly on her face and maybe a little bit of shame too. "I mean... how did you know about...?", she asked and blushed slightly.

The sight her being embarrassed about something made him grin, he couldn't help it. This was enough of an answer for her to slightly box his arm. 

"Ouch!", he complained and they both laughed. "You know, Laura is the one to blame. But since I had no idea what to get you for chistmas...", he just said and grinned again, because it felt so good to see her like that. In love. Happy.

She couldn't help it; a smile appeared on her face too. Damn... she grinned and shook her head in silent happyness. 

.............

When they entered the house again, having secretly placed all christmas presents in the barn, they saw Laura and Bruce standing in the kitchen. They were preparing the goose for christmas eve - which was tomorrow infact. 

Natasha joined them and she and Banner acted a little weard around each other, Laura thought to herself and smiled knowingly. While Natasha began to take over Lauras work, to cut the vegetables, Banner filled the roast meat with the peaces of carrots and pumpkin. Clints wife explained she wanted to look after the children and dissapeared, letting the two of them alone in the kitchen. 

The room fell in silence, except the sound of the knife, snipping on the cutting board and their steady steps and breaths. The whole situation was really awkward. Additionally because she knew Laura hadn't left because of the children; they played snow-baseball in the garden with Clint. 

While doing her work, she was nervous and distracted by his presence besides her. She almost cut her finger as she tried to behave normal, but felt quite the opposite inside. Gosh she really acted like a teenager around him - and she thought she had been over that a long time ago.

After another ten minutes, there were no vegetables left to cut for her.   
Just as she put the last peaces of cutted potatos on his side of the kitchen counter, their hands brushed slightly. Suddenly she looked at him in shame and her face seemed to get unnormal warm. "Sorry...", she mumbered and wanted to go out of sight but he stepped in her way unwillingly. With his body close to hers again and his voice rough and calm, he whispered "No need to be.".  
She looked up at him a little and saw his face near hers. His hand stroke a lost strand back from her cheek, her hand found his and soon they stood there like months ago in the guestroom upstairs. 

"Would you still leave with me?", he asked and there was this intimacy again between them, as if they were the only two people left in the world.

"Is that the reason why you came here? To ask, if I still wanna run away with you?", their faces were only inches apart and yet there was so much unspoken in the room between them, that he moved his head back a bit, just as much as to clear his throat. 

"No. I came here because I found myself lost on a planet named Sakaar, captured inside of the Hulk and the only thing that brought me back to myself was you.", his eyes looked down in pain and then shut completely, remembering the scene when he saw her face on the sceen of Tonys ship.   
The Hulk was strong, but the feelings he had for Natasha were so powerful, that they were able to defeat the green giant, when nothing else could. 

"It's funny...", he said with his eyes still closed, "that the Hulk wins every battle, but he can't resist feelings.", a small sad smile crossed his lips. 

"What feelings?", she wanted to know, her eyes searching for his and as he opened them again, looking at her, he saw that her face was dangerously close now.

"I think you are the one person I can't live without - in whatever place of the world. Because I need you. Because...", he leaned closer, the skin of their noses already touching; almost feeling the warmth of each others lips.

"... I adore you.", she whispered and finally shut the distance between them. That kiss was completely different. She allowed herself to fall and get lost inside the feeling of him and her together. Their hands let go of each other and hers wandered to his neck and cheek, while his hands stroke along her arm and shoulder. They came to rest on her back and he pulled her slightly closer, so she could feel the warmth of his body surrounding her like a safe place to go. This was home, she thought, she finally found it.

END

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfiction I post here and I really hope you enjoy it! My apologies for any mistakes (grammar or spelling), I try to avoid 'em but English isn't my native language.


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